Talking John Birch

by Bob Dylan (1962)

I's feeling bad, kinda blue
Couldn't think of what to do
Them communists were all around
In the air and on the ground
...wouldn't give me no peace

I run down most hurriedly
And joined the John Birch Society
Got me a secret membership card
Started walkin' down the road
...oh boy
I'm a real John Bircher now
Look out you commies

We all agree with Hitler's views
Tho he killed 6 million Jews
It don't matter if he was a fascist
At least he wasn't no communist
...that's to say
If you got a bad cold
Take a shot of malaria

I looked all over for them gol-darm reds
Got up in the mornin' looked under my bed
Looked in the closet and baxind the door
Looked in the glove compartment of my car
...couldn't find 'em
They got away

Looked in the cupboard and under the chairs
Looked just about everywhere
Looked up the chimney hole
Even down in the toilet bowl
...I just missed 'em

I's home alone broke out in a sweat
I figured they were in my television set
I poked my nose behind the frame
Got a shock from my feet to my brain
...them reds caused it
Them hard core ones

Quit my job I got so I could be alone
Changed my name to Sherlock Holmes
Following some clues from my detective bag
Found out there were red stripes in the American flag
...oh boy
Can't wait to tell
The rest of the Birchnuts

Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy
Washington, Jefferson and the Roosevelt guy
To my knowledge there's only one man
Who's really a true American
...George Lincoln Rockwell
Know for a fact
Cause he picketed the movie Exodus

I investigated the books in the library
90 per cent gotta be thrown away
I investigated all the people I knowed
98 per cent of 'em gotta go
...the other 2 per cent
Are fellow Birchers
Just like me

I finally started thinking straight
When I run out of things to investigate
I couldn't imagine anything else
So now I'm investigating myself
...hope I don't
Find out nothing.